It’s my first All Souls’ Day that I didn’t even get scared of mysterious entities. In the past years, I was so dead-scared of terrifying thoughts in my mind during Halloween and the Day of the Dead. Maybe now, I’m just numb on everything that surrounds me. Even to friends.
In the morning, my family decided to visit the grave of my great and my great-great grandparents in Bacolor, Pampanga. Until now, I really wonder why there isn’t a tomb for my great-great grandfather, Mr. Tan. I only saw my great-great grandmother’s, Damasa Chua Tan, my great grandfather’s, Gregorio Chua Tan, Sr., and some of the Chuas and Tans. I fear to ask my grandfather, Gregorio Tan, Jr., where the tomb of his grandfather is. But I assume it’s in the Mainland.
Little do my relatives know that I keep on researching on facts about my heritage. Almost one year ago, I discovered from my grandfather’s sibling, Rolly Tan, that they were 39 children of my great grandfather, and the latter had five (5) wives. I wonder where all my lolos are now.
Going back, my family and I just spent about 3 hours of stay in the cemetery. Familiar faces were just roaming around. I even saw the car of ABS-CBN, and I bet that they were to capture a news story. Actually, I took some photos of the grave, but I hesitated posting them here for, I guess, it’s a form of disrespect to their souls.
As I was staring afar, I thought of DEATH. It’s something that is inevitable. It’s something we all are going to face. Yet, why do almost all people fear it?
Okay, okay, it’s something psychological (Nyaha. I answered my own question.).
Way back then, I was afraid of growing old. I was scared of the age 50 and above for I loved a youthful age. I was even determined to finish my studies when I turn 20, but based on my latest calculation, it’s impossible. I even told myself that when I turn 50+, I must die!!! I didn’t like the fact that I, suffering from health disorders, will just lie on my bed and being served by my future family.
I always say that I don’t want a bloody death. I mean, who wants it? It’s better to have my head shot by a gun that to be in coma.
In the past two years, certain events in my life changed my perspective of growing old and death. I thought that I must accept reality.
I will just have to sum up before I get too dull. I still have the mission to search for the tomb of my great-great grandfather. Wherever it is, I will not stop searching for it! Next, growing old, as a realization of mine, is a part of my life. I shouldn’t be afraid of it anymore. YOU SHALL NOT GAIN CORPORATE RESPECT WHEN YOU’RE NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THE SUIT. Finally, on death: I honestly say that I’m not 100% fearless of it. Considering that it’s a serious topic, maybe I should think over for a long time. I always analyze happenings and soon-to-happen things before I get my own verdict.
Nyahaha! I didn’t see people cheating. My tally matched that of the officials. So there.
Yeah!
